Short story I guess

Nitro_Hunter

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Here is a shitty short story I wrote, don’t know why I did but I kinda liked it so here it is

Feel free to compliment and or shit talk it


I did this, I changed this world from a beautiful paradise of broken people in a broken world into a desolate decaying land of perfect people in a perfect world.

I wanted to fix things, I saw imperfection and tried to perfect it, I took humanity in my hands and shaped it into my image, people no longer felt sad, it was beautiful at first but this was the beginning of the end.

Next I ended all hate, then anxiety, then fear. The people were happy, always happy and for awhile that was good. Then my greatest sin, I ended death, they would live forever and never die of old age, and because they could never feel hate they would never try and kill each other.

Then it happened, a perfect race slaughtered each other, blood flooded the streets, fires everywhere and oh the screaming sang everywhere. Everyone was gone, dead and cold and I didn’t know why.

It took years but I finally understood, I tried to take broken people and make them perfect, I was so blinded that I never saw the perfection in a broken world, they killed out of love, they killed for peace, they killed for salvation.

I am alone here now and I always will, I will tend to my dying garden as I watch over a perfect world once filled with perfect people, I am their protector and their reaper
 

Pokeben10

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Is this for school or just for fun?
 

Titan

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shit dawg, this is the kinda stuff i expect to hear read at a competition. Well done, I really like this. Maybe you should rethink being a detective, you've got "writer" in your future
 

Titan

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dropping that link is a baller-ass move. What a wonderful article. I quote particularly quite liked this bit: "Harmless. This second variant is less dramatic and has a certain charm since it’s a pleasant delay towards the utopian objective. Poets such as Constantine Kavafis described this attitude as that of a traveler who enjoys the trip, even if the road is long." I also like the aphorism they mentioned regarding that as well - “It’s better to travel full of hope than to reach port."

Thanks for sharing that, rae. Very introspective.
 

Lordyhgm

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A Short Poem I guess:

I made a change in this perfect world;
left it broken, decayed, and into chaos hurled.

I saw cracks, roughs edges and things to fix:
imperfect people, their pain and suffering, their lies their deceit.
In my hands I took them
moulded them​
shaped them​
made Mirrors of Myself.​
Created a world of happiness, beautiful and at peace
and yet here I am, for fire amongst rubble, rubbing sticks.

It worked at first, ending hate
then fear​
then anxiety​
then pain.​
Then I ended death, the eternal end.
No more would the grim reaper our humanity old-age send

; instead,
they sent it themselves.​

In droves, in millions.
For Love, For Peace,
For Freedom, For Salvation.

What small god was I to decide. Here I am alone
Forever.
In a dying garden, in a corner of a perfect world once filled with
Perfect People, I am their protector
Their Reaper.
 

Nitro_Hunter

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A Short Poem I guess:

I made a change in this perfect world;
left it broken, decayed, and into chaos hurled.

I saw cracks, roughs edges and things to fix:
imperfect people, their pain and suffering, their lies their deceit.
In my hands I took them
moulded them​
shaped them​
made Mirrors of Myself.​
Created a world of happiness, beautiful and at peace
and yet here I am, for fire amongst rubble, rubbing sticks.

It worked at first, ending hate
then fear​
then anxiety​
then pain.​
Then I ended death, the eternal end.
No more would the grim reaper our humanity old-age send

; instead,
they sent it themselves.​

In droves, in millions.
For Love, For Peace,
For Freedom, For Salvation.

What small god was I to decide. Here I am alone
Forever.
In a dying garden, in a corner of a perfect world once filled with
Perfect People, I am their protector
Their Reaper.
You fixed it, it’s beautiful thank you lordy
 

metallia appericator

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I like this, should be adapted into a song
 

Nitro_Hunter

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Made another one because idk

Finality



I looked outside wanting to see the stars, instead I saw what wasn’t. I saw the nothing, the emptiness that was me. I took you in my hand and let go.



You burned brighter than any star in the galaxy ever could and yet you never glowed, you were nothing as was I. You were bombarded with fire and missiles, it did not matter.



Whatever the people saw didn’t matter, none of it did. Like dominos cities turned to nothing but sand and dust, soon even the wind stopped churning.



You looked outside wanting to see the stars, instead you saw what was, you saw me, the potential, the growing ideas of a man. You saw me, I saw you and too late I realized what I have done.



I no longer see you as even the stars are gone.



In the end all you see is me,



Finality
 
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metallia appericator

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this is some pink floyd — the wall shit
 
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